The Glass is Half Full (of Oil)
I really can’t believe that this headline reads “BP Spill May be Fixed as Soon as July 27.” As soon as? Haven’t we been dealing with this long enough? Should’ve it have been fixed like, 2 months ago?
Archived entries for News
Best Headline Ever
With a headline like this, is there really any need to read the story?
Another Reason to Avoid Times Square
Saturday I was a few blocks away from the attempted car bomb fiasco when that happened in Times Square. And today, manholes are exploding, shooting flames 3 stories high on the street that I work on. They always say things happen in threes. I really hope I’m not any closer to the next explosion in NYC.
Lindsay Lohan’s Guilty Conscience Wants $$$
Hahaha thanks for putting a giggle in my morning Lindsay Lohan. Seriously, when will you just go away? You haven’t made a decent film in… well, ever as far as I’m concerned. And your hard partying ways have given you such a guilty conscience that you think an “infant milkaholic” named Lindsay is a direct attack on you. Are you really that broke?
In case you have no idea what I’m talking about; Lindsay Lohan is suing E*Trade for the newest talking baby commercial. You know, the one where the boy is video chatting with his girlfriend and apologizing for not calling her back. And she says “And that milkaholic Lindsay wasn’t over there?” Then the baby girl (Lindsay) pops up and says “milka-whaat?” Yeah. Apparently that’s an attack on Lindsay Lohan because you know, she’s the only Lindsay in the world. Or at least the only one that matters as far as she’s concerned. Her lawyer is saying that she’s known on a first name basis like Madonna- so it’s obviously directed towards her. Hmm. Last time I checked, I knew about 75 more Lindsay’s than Madonna’s! And let’s face it, don’t we all know at least one trainwreck named Lindsay?
This is a joke. I hope the guys who created it over at Grey are having a good laugh about this. They should make a commercial involving a hard-partying, bisexual, red-headed cokewhore named Lizzy. Just to piss her off.
Team Conan
One more thought for the day. As a writer who hopes to eventually dabble in comedic writing and stand-up, I still love the comic genius that is Conan O’Brien. I don’t think I’ve ever used the word kudos in my life, but kudos Conan; for voicing your honest opinion in a classy, tasteful way. And you should know that I literally spit soup out of my mouth when I read the last two sentences of your letter addressed to the People of Earth:
“Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.”
Another Case Against Procreation
Four year old gets drunk, sneaks out of house in the middle of the night, breaks into his neighbors house, unwraps Christmas presents, puts on one of the gifts- a brown dress, and passes out in the front yard where police later find him.
If you really need to read the complete article, click here. But I think it’s a lot more hilarious when broken down.
Give Me All Your Money… And Fries
The manager of a Sonic in Missouri staged a robbery during the peak lunch hour in an attempt to train his staffers. That sounds like something that would only happen on The Office. I wonder if Michael Scott is the manager here?
Mad Men of the world
AskMen.com has posted their “2009 Top 49 Most Influential Men” as voted by 500,000 AskMen.com readers, and there was a surprise man leading the pack: Don Draper at number 1.
Okay, we all know Don Draper is swoon-worthy, well dressed, assertive and extremely successful. But perhaps more importantly, he’s fictional! That says a lot about the current state of the world/country, but I’m not quite sure what. Does this imply that the modern man of 2009 just doesn’t do enough to prove influential in modern society? Or perhaps the tight-jeans wearing, less aggressive man of today just doesn’t compare to the [real] men of an earlier time? Is the recession so bad that we’ve completely lost ourselves in these fictional worlds of television? But then again, from an average citizen standpoint, Don Draper is just as real to me as any celebrity out there. Nonetheless, congratulations Matthew Weiner & the rest of Mad Men for creating a television show and character so prominent in our pop culture.
Which reminds me; at the salon last night I read an article in some gossip magazine. It was a quote by Jon Hamm that said something along the lines of I came into the industry around the time of Dawson’s Creek, where it was ‘in’ to look like a young teenager. I, in my entire life have never looked like a teenager. I was auditioning to play the roll of the dad- at 25.
University of Florida is screwed when the Zombies attack!
The University of Florida has officially removed a link from their website which informs students how to deal with a zombie attack on campus. Apparently it had been written as a joke, to bring some light to the disaster preparations alongside, including more likely scenarios such as hurricanes and pandemics.
Which reminds me- the other day on the train as I was buried deep into EMERGENCY, I overheard some homeless man rambling about a zombie revolution. He kept yelling that we were all doomed the day that the zombies revolt. But not him, because for whatever reason, this man who has failed to acquire a job and/or home, has managed to gain some pretty badass zombie killing skills.
